So this is what an affair does

Why do I feel lousy over something that will never happen and will take a few months for me to get over. I had the chance to have someone F- - k my brains out and I did the stupidest thing. I went and told someone who knew this person, but didn't realize that the same email she has is being shared by his wife.

DUMB, DUMB,DUMB. Now it off to Damage Control for my male friend and I'm off to the dumps in my emotions and how I'm relating to folks at this time.

Yes I'm married and have been for the last 34 years, and like all marriages mine was kind of barren; but I decided to find out what it meant to be a woman by going all the way with this person. Yes he knows about my background and was quite willing, but as we all know he has a loved one that he doesn't want to lose, but not married. Me I'm married, so we both knew going into this short lived affair that after that weekend we'd go and drop whatever we had and resume our own private lives, hundreds of miles apart.

I can see a thought going through your minds as you're reading this. And its probably why did you enter into this arrangement? Well the reason is very simple and basic to every human being here on this planet. Its "SEX", plain and simple. Sex with a man as a new woman after surgery.

Now if you haven't gotten the message from looking at my profile or my picture. I used to be male and for the last 57 years I have been a male; but through modern science and surgery, I have now transitioned from male to being female. I'm not going to bore you with all of the details; but in short I'm what they call a "Chemically enhanced female with after-market parts", or the general term.... I"m a Post-Surgical Male to Female Transsexual". Kind of makes you want to run for cover doesn't it.

But back to my story, why the affair? Well I do know what to do as a male with a female partner, and for the bulk of our mariage, sex with my wife was pretty good, then my transitioning and the sex became infrequent and finally it stopped al together. So for 20 years, this kid was kind of barren. Cutting to 2008, after a few years on hormones, Breas Augmentation an finally SRS or Sexual Reassignment Surgery, I had a vagina installed and I now have indoor plumbing.

So why the need for an affair? Well to tell you the truth, as a new female on the block; "I don't know how my new body parts are going to work? and also can I function as a real life female if I had to or can I turn my thinking 180 degrees and think of myself as a new female having sex with a man? After those long 57 years, I finally had the chance to find out and this guy was going to be my meal ticket into finding out.

We both knew and agreed to a weekend at a conference in the Sacramento area. But like all things planned, a small slipup to a friend caused this person to now rethink his position. So the letter. My ultimatum was simple. Either choose me during the conference or just walk and never find out if I would have made a great sexual partner. Simple and to the point.

Writing that letter was easy, since being a Filipina woman who felt she was wronged and made out to be the villain by some folks suddenly blossomed into me turning into a demanding woman who will stop at nothing to get what she wants.