Domestic Violence; what no honeymoon?

There was something that our therapist told us during our first Post-Op support group meeting. As the six women sat there in the office talking about life after Transition we all agreed that many of the problems were the same ones we now all faced.

Now the difference between this meeting of Post-Op females versus the Pre-Ops is that the latter folks are still wondering how they the will be traveling down that Gender road. One that has enough pebbles, small sized rocks and a few boulders strewn along the way.

Many of them are going through their own puberty, one that has them looking to find friends, wondering what clothes they will be wearing, how they're going to find guys, how they're looking forward to that first day walking out of their closeted home into the light as a woman or man. Yes there are even female to male Transsexuals here too.

Everyone of the Pre's are going through their own genesis. For them to sit in their first meeting, seeing and talking to the more experienced but still novice TS's, is a relief. Many are still wondering what type of clothes they will need, whether they will soon go on hormones, wondering wher to find places to go out as a man or woman, and many other myriad questions.

They all have that questioning look and there will be one or two who will find that transitioning to another gender is not what they want and will retreat to their own personal closet, to these girls they are through puberty.

But for the women who are sitting through our first 3-hour session, we are now out of puberty and now going through graduate school in the school of life and as we think about our own travels we share a common thread. We are all Domestic Violence survivors.

Why Domestic Violence? Well, if you look at it; all of us are women, we are now or starting to see a stormy relationship with our spouses, a stable marriage is now teteering on the brink of divorce or separation, our home life is cold and loveless. Even though "there" is no violence as in a regular Domestic Violence situation, the type of issues we do go through is somewhat similar and to make it worse; there is no violence, just silence.

Many of us are starving for companionsihp, we want to be held, we crave a sexual relationship, but can't because our spouses are not too happy about a Lesbian relationship or being in a same-sex household. Our spouses want to maintain that feeling of being protected, like when we were first married and the thought of Transition had not entered the picture.

But who is going to protect us women now? Who is going to tell us that we're safe, who is going to hold us to stroke our hair and to look into our frightened eyes as we face our own financial disaster and cannot take care of our family, or even give comfort to our spouses? Just who is going to do that?

So, what our therapist told us, we are in some ways survivor of Domestic violence, where the wife (now us) can't or won't leave an unstable relationship and the analogy's are actually the same; but there is NO violence, just the death of our own sel-esteem and how we view our relationships.

But there is one thing that we can do, but then who hasn't thought of it and its very simple if you do. "Why not leave the marriage and start all over"? Our therapist told us that for many women who have left a floundering relationship due to Domestic Violence (DV), the wives do better in the long run.

So now, the stage is set. Do I leave this marriage that I've been in for the last 36 years or do I continue to stay in a loveless relationship?